Update!

I did Ana Boot Camp for a few days, but ended up having 3 pieces of pizza, so...Now I'm kind of fasting, but not really. Water, ice, Sugar Free Red Bull, Carbonated water, sugar free gum, coffee, and tea are allowed. If I feel like I'm really hungry, or if I fell like I may faint, fat free milk, applesauce, or pickles may be consumed.

I started this after my mini pizza binge last night at around 8pm. It's almost 3pm and since 8pm last night, I've had a bit of carbonated water, 1/2 a calcium pill, 1/2 a multivitamin, 1 Green Tea Fat Burner pill, 1 MetaboUP pill, and two 0 calorie pickle spears. With the pickle spears, I removed the seeds. The seeds are the worst part, so I don't eat them...

After the pizza last night, my scale said I weighed 280.8lbs, but this morning, my scale said I weighed 276lbs. I just took a shower and before I took it, I checked my weight. 274lbs. Isn't the body an amazing thing? I figure if I stick to this for a week, I can be 269lbs or less. I know that's only 5lbs, but I don't want to set unrealistic goals. My GW1 is 260lbs, which I can not wait to be again. It's been 2-3 months since I've been that weight. I haven't been under that weight since last year, or maybe the year before that. I have basically maintained between     260lbs-291lbs for 1-2 years.

When I reach 259lbs, I'm going to smile, I know I will. The Six Flags song will probably go threw my head and I'll smile wider. I can't wait!!!! I want to be 259 lbs by October 20th. 15lbs in 29 days is do-able. As long as I don't mess up, I'll do great.

I have to get ready for work, so later!!
~little miss imperfect

My Mother, My Therapist, and S.I.

<3 cut.

I don't know what I was thinking! I told her. I ALMOST told her EVERYTHING!!!!!


*sigh* I told my therapist about my "dieting", my fasting, my binging, my depression, my insomnia. Wtf was I thinking?!! I felt so vulnerable, hell I feel really vulnerable. I don't know why I did it, I really don't. What if she tells my mother??! I will die if she tells her! 


As soon as I got home, I cut for the first time in over 3 months...


That was hard for me...especially since I couldn't find my scalpel. I made a heart with a clothes pin I found and a long, rough line with my Geometry compass...


Fml, I promised B I'd never cut again. I need to tell him, or else he'll find out... God bless him. <3 I wouldn't be here without him and K.


After my episode of S.I, I binged. Bad.


I walked to Carl's Jr and bought not one, but TWO western bacon cheeseburgers and a regular fry... I couldn't even wait to get home, I hid behind a bush and inhaled them all... As if that wasn't enough, when I got home, I had a whole box of Chex cereal with fat free milk and sugar, and 2 cups of fat free vanilla frozen yogurt with about 4 tbsps of chocolate syrup. Afterwards, I cried. A lot, I've only just stopped crying after thinking up a new plan.


My new plan is more healthy than it is ana, but I want to see if I can diet like normal people. Have you had those days where you eat like 1600 calories? I gain weight on those days. However, I believe that's because I've fucked my metabolism into a nearly incorrigible state. I mean come on! I'm 270-something lbs and I gain weight eating what normal people eat on diets. I could understand if I was extremely underweight or something, but...


Anyways, My new plan: Mon-Fri *1200 max calories.
*32 oz min of water, carbonated or otherwise.
*No red meat, no pork, no fried chicken, no ham.
*Max 1-2 carby things each day.
*No fast food/eating out, except for Subway and Mae's Thai.
*No soda(I'm 257 days sober anyways.<3)
*0.25 miles/day at 5.0 mph on the treadmill. (I did it today and almost died.)
*25 bicep curls on each arm


Sat*1200 max calories.
*32 oz min of water, carbonated or otherwise.
*Only vegetables, fruit, non-fat yogurt, rice cakes, and soup.
*No soda.
*50 bicep curls on each arm.
*100 step ups(up and down stairs, calisthenics.)


Sun*Fast.
*800 max drink calories.
*40 oz min of water, carbonated or otherwise.
*50 bicep curls on each arm.


Is that a good plan for 2 weeks? I'd really like to get my dormant metabolism started again. I don't know what I'll do if I gain to 280 lbs on this. I never want to be that weight again. Ever. I took all of my measurements in cm, my body fat%, and my weight.



Of course I took them all after the binge, but whatevs.


Neck:43cm
Under Breasts:112cm
Waist:109cm
Hips:130cm
L Wrist:21cm
R Wrist:21cm
L Ankle:29cm
R Ankle:28cm
L Thigh-86cm
R Thigh:86cm
Weight:274lbs/124.55kgs
Body Fat %:47%


~LitTlE mIsS iMpErFeCt

Quickie Update

I broke the ABC like I expected. I however didn't mean to have 1400 calories today and only burn 50 on the treadmill. I've had WAAAAYY too much sodium today and am downing water like crazy to cancel it out. I've had around 2500 grams...

I'm planning on fasting, because this week will be busy. As B would say, I'm gonna be a busy bee. :) School, my new job, cleaning my whole house for my sleep over thingy this weekend, homework. *sigh* Although I don't have a set amount of time that I'll be fasting yet, it started at 8pm, 9/11 and is called "The Ava." I know, weird name for a fast, but whatevs.

Wish me luck my beauties, not that I need luck. :)

~LiTtLe MiSs ImPeRfEcT

Week 1=Done :)

It's been exactly 1 week since I've posted and I have some positive updates to tell you all! (Can you tell I'm excited?) In 7 days, I've gone from 278lbs to...271lbs! I love losing a pound a day. :)

I did not however go raw. I couldn't, because my mother wouldn't buy food. She told me I could eat what's there and when it's gone she'll buy more. I'm not blaming her though, because we don't really have money to buy food. After taxes, we get around $250 each week, which isn't a whole lot. Especially when we both have cell phone bills, a cable bill, and an electric bill, not to mention we have to buy propane for hot water. I'm sure there are other things we need to buy, but I'm tired and don't want to think about it right now.

The first 3 days this week I pretty much maintained my weight, but then on day 4, I began Ana Boot Camp. Although I'm doing well, I'm already bored with it. (The farthest I've ever gotten to was 3 days.) I'm on day 4, which means I'm as far as I've ever been which for now is good enough for me.
I found someone who completed the ABC, she went from 153lbs to 91.4lbs. 61.6lbs in 50 days is amazing and life changing. Her username on WhyEat.net is anaxmyxpassion and here's the link:  http://www.whyeat.net/forum/threads/2416-Ana-Boot-Camp?highlight=boot+camp

I was friends with this girl, let's call her April, 2 years ago and I was jealous of her confidence, her style, and her thinness. I hadn't seen her in 2 years, but K, April, and I hung out yesterday for 5 hours. We went to the movies, the funky monkey, and a cafe. We snuck Pringles, 2 sugar free Red Bulls, and 1 Regular Red Bull into the movie. I had half of a Pringle and a sugar free Red Bull, K had a handful of Pringles, and a Red Bull, but April had nothing. At the cafe, we all got water, K and I got coffee(mine black, his with cream and sugar), and K ordered a plate of frys for us to share. April sipped her sugar free Red Bull and had 1 small fry that was more like half of a fry the whole hour we were there. When I asked her about it she said she didn't eat. Apparently at 8th grade graduation, some bitch told her she looked fat in her dress, so she stopped eating.Yesterday I could see her collar bone, and hip bones, she had a flat/slightly concave stomach and wore size 0/2 jeans(she's 5'9"!) When I hugged her, I could feel the bones on her back. I asked her if she had an eating disorder and she told me that for about a year she was bulimic, but wasn't anymore. I have no female friends, so I hope her and I will get closer, also K likes her. <3 I don't know though if I should tell her about my EDNOS and BED, and let her do whatever, or if I should try to help her eat. My guess is that she has anorexia or bulimia.

I don't know what to do!

She's sleeping over this weekend or next weekend though, so I think we'll be friends. I am so confused, ugh. :(

Well, enough of my ranting, this post is really long. If I can't find time to post during this week, I'll post this weekend.
Until next time, ~Little Miss Imperfect

 

I'm Back!

I'd first like to apologize for being MIA(Missing in action, not bulimia.) for nearly a month. I don't have a great excuse, but this is my blog and I can post when I'd like... School started a few weeks ago and I've had an extreme amount of homework. I gained weight...A lot of weight... Well, I'm not at my highest of 291lbs again, or at 280lbs again, but I am 278lbs-AGAIN. Unacceptable, I was supposed to be around 235-240 now. I made a decision today though, well just a few minutes ago actually.

I'm going raw. Well, not completely, but mostly. I plan to still allow applesauce, and every once and a while oatmeal, cereal, tuna, and bagels. Lots of water, and a little fat free milk and juice. I'll be taking the teen one-a-day pills, calcium pills, and if I need a boost, green tea pills/fish oil pills.

I haven't really thought of a calorie limit, but eating mostly raw, how many calories can I really possibly consume? I'll make my limit 1200. That's generous, right? I mean a can of fruit is 100 calories, a mini can is 70, applesauce is 70. I'd have to eat a whole bag of bagels to surpass that, so as long as I don't binge, I'll be fine.

At first, I thought 10-15lbs a month wasn't that much, because if I follow my diet I usually lose 1-2lbs a day, but I did the math and if I lose 10 lbs a month than by my junior year of high school(11 months) I'll be 168lbs. That's 60 lbs away from my goal, but that's a LOT closer than being 170lbs away. So that's my goal. 10-15lbs per month.

I know that for the first month or so, I'll lose a lot faster, but I know it will slow down.

As I said, I have a lot of homework every day and I don't have time to post every day. I promise I'll post whenever I can, even if it's just a quick update, but if I'm gone for a few days, or even a week, just know that I'm still on. I'm going to do this.

Failure is no longer an option.

~Little Miss Imperfect